


what we were then and what we aren't now

by maki_senpai



Series: then, now, and even beyond that [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, I guess temporary character death, M/M, No Major Character Death, Panic Attacks, Post-Time Skip, Slow Burn, Trigger Warning - Plane Crash, i am but a mere writer whos just tryna get by, i apologize for oocs and inaccuracies, its for the plot leave me alone, very unrealistic things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:40:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26249575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maki_senpai/pseuds/maki_senpai
Summary: He looked up at the blue sky and watched a star-shaped cloud float by. Akaashi looked down at the tattoo on his wrist and kissed it, as if he was saying goodbye.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Miya Osamu, Bokuto Koutarou/Suna Rintarou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Suna Rintarou/Bokuto Koutarou
Series: then, now, and even beyond that [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2016556
Comments: 22
Kudos: 79





	1. Chapter 1

“Yeah, I’ll be waiting at the airport for you.”

“I can’t wait to hold you again, Keiji.” 

“Me too, Kou. Be safe. I love you.”

“I love you so, so much more.”

“Come back to me, okay?”

“Always, baby. Always.”

“See you soon.”

* * *

**_-Akaashi Keiji-_ **

* * *

Akaashi waited at the airport like he said he would. 

With every new wave of crowds that flooded in, he scanned them for a familiar face, looking for the monochrome spikes that no one could miss. He admitted that he came to the airport a little earlier than he was supposed to, but he was impatient and he missed Bokuto too much to even wait a single second more. 

About an hour later, Kuroo and Kenma joined him at the waiting area, wanting to be one of the first people to greet Bokuto a warm welcome back. He was away for three months to do a bunch of away games with his team. In truth, he wasn’t even supposed to come back until the next week, but he didn’t bother sight-seeing because he was too eager to come back home and fall into the arms of the man he loves. Akaashi didn’t mind though, he missed him just as much as the other if not more. 

So here he was with two of his best friends waiting (im)patiently for Bokuto’s arrival. 

But it never came and the trio was confused. 

“Are you sure you have the right date, ‘Kaashi?” Kuroo wondered.

“I swear I did. I talked to him just before his flight so I can’t be mistaken.”

“Was there a delay, maybe?” Chimed Kenma. 

“Maybe. But wouldn’t the flight boards say so?” 

“I guess that’s true.” 

Akaashi was getting worried and started to fiddle with his hands and pace around where he stood. Kuroo was growing concerned as well, but kept his composure for the sake of Akaashi. Kenma put his switch away and watched his friend start to overthink. 

“Keiji… I’m gonna get you some water, yeah?” Kenma offered. Akaashi simply nodded and continued with his pacing, checking his phone almost every second. Kenma and Kuroo shared a look and silently agreed to watch over Akaashi. Kenma went ahead and got them drinks while Kuroo stayed by Akaashi’s side, holding his hand for support. 

“‘Kaashi… Can you breathe with me?”

“Why isn’t he here yet, Kuroo-san? It’s been _hours_ and he’s not here yet.”

“I wish I knew… I’m sorry.”

Kuroo has never seen Akaashi look _this_ frazzled and worried before. He always saw him so composed and level-headed. When he did get this way in minor degrees, Bokuto or Kenma would always be there. When it would be just him and Akaashi, holding his hand would usually do the trick. But this was different. 

It was something else entirely. 

The broken look in Akaashi’s eyes and the tears that threatened to escape was something Kuroo was not prepared to see and it _broke_ him. Partly because he was feeling the same thing, the other part because he wanted to fix it but he knew he couldn’t.

“K-Kuroo-san… Where is he?” 

“I don’t… I don’t know, Akaashi. I don’t know, I’m sorry.”

Not knowing what else to do, Kuroo took Akaashi into his arms, burying his head into his chest and let the other man stain his shirt with tears. 

Meanwhile, on Kenma’s way back to the other two, he caught a glimpse of the TV and dropped the drinks he got. His eyes widened at the bold words that decorated the screen. He wasn’t one to cry, but right now, that’s what’s all he wanted to do. He quickly picked up the things and ran to Kuroo and Akaashi as quickly as he could. 

Once he got there, he found them sitting on the seats with Akaashi sobbing against Kuroo’s shoulder and the sight broke him. His and Kuroo’s eyes met, both starting to water. 

“D-did you see?” Kenma asked quietly. 

“...See what?” 

Kenma glanced at Akaashi, opening and closing his mouth, trying to find the proper words to say. 

“Kenma…?” Kuroo cautiously pressed on. 

But it fell on deaf ears as Kenma slowly approached Akaashi and knelt down in front of him. He laid his free hand on Akaashi’s knee, earning his attention. 

From seeing the single tear that rolled down Kenma’s face, Akaashi’s concern briefly turned to him.

“K-Kenma… Wh-why are you crying?”

“Keiji…” 

“A-are you okay? You never cry…”

Kenma looked down, not able to withstand the gaze Akaashi had on him. Instead of using his words, he took his phone out and searched up the latest news. With it, his tears fell faster, but most were caught by Akaashi’s cold hands. But that, in turn, made his tears fall more furiously. Once he saw the first search result, he turned his screen towards Akaashi to read. 

Shakily, Akaashi’s hand left Kenma’s face and took hold of his phone. His eyes scanned the bold letters he never wanted to read over and over again, as if reading it for the umpteenth time will make it less true. 

**“Flight 0405 from Italy to Japan has crashed. More updates to come.”**

He refreshed the page. That can’t be Bokuto’s flight.

**“11 survivors, including the pilot from the 0405 crash, have been reported.”**

But it is. 

Akaashi stared at it. The words were starting to become a jumbled, blurry mess. Maybe it was from the tears but maybe it was his brain telling him to stop reading. But he didn’t listen and instead, kept reading. Only half of the survivors were properly identified, while the other half remained as John/Jane Does. 

Everything felt quiet. Frozen. Unreal and empty all at once. 

Akaashi didn’t even feel Kenma take his phone back, or the fact that he and Kuroo sandwiched him in a hug. He didn’t feel the tears that cascaded down his face. He didn’t feel. He couldn’t. Or maybe he didn’t want to. The sobs he heard from his two friends seemed so far. He stared into the space in front of him as if he was watching his world crumble down and he cannot do anything about it.

If it weren’t for Kuroo and Kenma holding him, he was sure to collapse onto the floor and scream out in agony. Maybe he should’ve pushed for Bokuto to stay that extra week. Maybe then, this wouldn’t have happened. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so selfish. He should’ve waited. Why did he have to be so impatient? Now because of that, Bokuto’s never coming back. He could’ve waited that extra week. But he didn’t. 

“Keiji…” Kenma’s soft voice broke him out of dangerous thoughts. 

Akaashi looked around and noticed that they were already in the car. _When did we get here?_ He wondered.

“Keiji, can you look at me for a sec?” Kenma requested. He sat beside Akaashi in the back of the car, just to make sure he could take care of him properly. Akaashi complied and looked into Kenma’s tear-stained face. The eyes that stared back at Kenma were empty and almost dead. It was as if whatever fire was in there, diminished into mere ashes. 

“Keiji, I’ve known you long enough to know that you’re blaming yourself. You and Bokuto couldn’t have known that this was going to happen. No one could have. And I’m not going to plant any false hope in your head, but there were survivors and half were unknown. So don’t put the blame on yourself because it literally is not your fault. It’s no one’s. It’s just sometimes, bad things happen and it isn’t fair. Even if you waited one more week, who’s to say it won’t happen then and that today would’ve been safer? So please… I don’t… I don’t want to lose you too.” 

All Akaashi could do was watch and listen. Watch the tears fall and listen to the words that tried its best to root in Akaashi’s mind. 

And eventually it did. 

It took some time, but it did. 

* * *

The first few months since the crash, Akaashi checked the news every day for any new information. He checked the hospitals around the country and inquired about the crash survivors, asking if any of them were Bokuto. However, his search proved fruitless and slowly, he lost the hope that Bokuto was one of them.

Since then, he moved in with Kuroo and Kenma, given that the two promised to take care of Akaashi. The four of them had a pact back in high school about it. An innocent conversation that they didn’t expect would happen this soon. They helped each other in their recovery process, Akaashi taking more time than the two. Akaashi had met up with Bokuto’s family from time to time, checking on them and being there for each other in their mutual grief. 

Akaashi often found himself sitting at the balcony of his room watching the stars and wondering if Bokuto really was one of them now. At some point during those nights, he had the idea of getting a tattoo of a star and Bokuto’s initials on his wrist. A reminder, that even though he’s gone, he’ll always be a part of him. He had to beg Kenma for a week to go with him to the tattoo parlour until his bribery for apple pie made him relent. Kenma ended up getting an industrial piercing that same day out of impulse. It became a happy memory for them both to replace the sad ones they’ve been having the past few months. 

Their car ride back from it was something that further solidified their friendship. 

“It’s almost been a year.” Kenma said out of the blue. 

“It has…”

“The pain doesn’t seem like it though.”

“What do you mean?”

“It feels like a pain from just yesterday.” 

“Oh. Yeah. It’s… Sometimes it feels more painful somehow. The fact that we’re all in the same house because of a silly pact we had back in our second year. Do you even remember how it came up?” 

“Kuro wanted to do something stupid that could have potentially killed him, I think.” 

“Yeah, and it was the first time I saw you cry.”

“Right…” Kenma chuckled at the memory, “Then Bokuto brought it up. He said, ‘When we’re older, like _really_ old, we’d obviously be neighbours. And this is a stretch, BUT, whoever dies first from the four of us, the remaining three have to take care of each other. Because we’re all best friends right? Until we’re all gross and wrinkly and when all my hair is grey.’” 

“And Kuroo-san thought it was the best idea ever and proceeded to plan out how we’re all going to afford a big mansion that would be across from each other. I think back then, we both thought it was ridiculous because it wasn’t something that crossed our minds, you know? We all thought we’d live with the four of us for as long as Kou said so.” 

“I’m glad we made that pact though. Even though we had to spit on our hands and shake on it. But I don’t deal with loss well, nor do I talk about my feelings sufficiently. Kuro could only do so much on his end, but you made up for the rest. Plus, helping _you_ somehow helped me too if that makes sense. It’s like, I want to be strong for you because you’re trying so hard to be strong for everyone.” 

“Just say watching me suffer made you feel better.” Akaashi light-heartedly teased. 

“That’s exactly what I was trying to say.” Kenma chuckled. 

“Thank you, Kenma. For everything and for taking care of me and for always coming to my room whenever you hear me cry. I don’t think I could’ve done anything if you and Kuroo-san weren’t there.” 

“Don’t mind it. It’s our promise to each other after all.” 

Akaashi simply smiled as his eyes stayed on the road. 

That’s when he knew he’d be okay someday. It’ll take a little bit more time, but he was getting there. As much as he wanted to believe that Bokuto was still out there, he knew he couldn’t wait forever. It wasn’t fair for him and he knew Bokuto would scold him for not taking care of his own well-being or even try to move on. He knew that Bokuto wanted him to do what’s best for himself. 

Despite that, he would still go out to his balcony and watch the stars. It’s become a nightly routine for him, with a new addition of kissing the tattoo on his wrist as a goodnight to Bokuto. Sometimes Kuroo and/or Kenma would join him with hot coco or tea and they would talk about everything and nothing or sometimes camp out there completely by accident. 

Slowly, they became more okay. Slowly, they came to terms of the loss of their friend and Akaashi’s lover. Slowly, Akaashi’s pain lessened. It didn’t hurt him to read the articles from that day anymore, or see posters of him everywhere. The little reminders of Bokuto brought a fond smile to Akaashi’s face instead of the usual tears that would prick the corners of his eyes.

It didn’t hurt when Akaashi was asked to attend the memorial the MSBY Black Jackals held for Bokuto a year and a half later. 

So he accepted, asking Kuroo and Kenma to tag along. 

The pain of attending wasn’t as intense as Akaashi expected it to be. Even when he delivered a speech, all there was was a dull ache in his heart as most of the pain has been replaced with fondness. The hurt was mostly from missing Bokuto’s presence, but he had to remind himself that Bokuto wouldn’t want Akaashi to hurt all the time. 

The rest of the night was filled with idle talk and catching up amongst old high school acquaintances. Except for Kuroo, who fluttered about from person to person, given that he was part of the Japan Volleyball Association. Akaashi and Kenma stayed talking to Hinata as they were more familiar with him, along with Sakusa and Atsumu. 

Akaashi excused himself to get some fresh air and stepped outside the gym the team had rented out. He sat by the steps and took in the breeze that welcomed him and closed his eyes. He lifted his head up to face the sky and slowly opened his eyes. He was greeted with the view of the stars that shined brightly as if it were celebrating the life Akaashi was remembering. 

“Are you alright?” A voice said behind him. Akaashi turned to the source and found Miya Osamu standing behind him with his arms crossed. 

“As alright as I can be, I guess.” 

“May I sit?” 

“Be my guest.”

Osamu placed himself beside Akaashi and looked up at the stars with him. 

“The food was good.” Akaashi stated. 

“Glad ya liked it. It was quite amusing to watch you stuff countless of onigiris in yer face in a span of half an hour.” The other teased. 

“Oh, shut up. Take it as a compliment.”

Osamu chuckled, “I do! Especially with yer traditional question ya ask me every time we see each other.”

“Ah, yes.” 

“C’mon, ask it.” 

“Okay, when are you opening a branch in Tokyo, Osamu-san?” Akaashi tilted his head to face his companion who wore a small smile on his face as he continued to look up.

“Next month.” He turned to meet Akaashi’s widened eyes. He could see the excitement brewing in them and it made him happy. 

“Really?” Akaashi tried to hide the excitement in his voice, but failed. 

“Yeah! I’ve officially moved here as of yesterday. Using the month before opening to oversee the final touches and details for the shop. M’parents is watchin’ my home branch fer me so I can focus here. After all, we’re anticipating a busier volume of people here.” 

“That’s true. Tokyo people are hungry. Take me for example.” 

“Definitely thought about ya when I found a place to get here. You and yer appetite for my food never ceases to amaze me.” 

“Glad to be of inspiration.” 

They chuckled light-heartedly and continued to sit in comfortable silence with only the wind talking. 

“I know it’s not my place, maybe, but how are ya really holdin’ up?” Osamu asked with genuine concern. 

“I’m better. As better as I can be, I guess. It’s been a rough year and a half, but definitely doing better than I was when it initially happened. It hurts less now. I think if this memorial happened, I don’t know, eight months ago, I probably wouldn’t be able to go, or even consider going.” 

“I can see you’ve come a long way.” 

“I have. I owe most of it to Kenma and Kuroo-san.”

“Give yerself some credit too. It’s hard to overcome something like this especially since everyone was rootin’ for both of ya. Something about ‘soulmate energy’ kept coming about whenever you and Bokkun would be the subject.” 

Akaashi laughed softly, “Yeah, I’ve heard that. I mean, it did feel like it, you know? Like he was my soulmate. It was like he was made for me or something.” 

“I get ya. I could see it. Ever since high school.”

“Yeah…” A sad smile appeared on Akaashi’s features that Osamu took note of.

“Hey,” Osamu started. 

“Hmm?” 

“Would you usually cry whenever ya talked about that?”

“Oh, yeah, I do.” 

“Well look at you. Tear-free!” 

Akaashi brought his hand up to his face as if confirming that he really wasn’t crying. “Oh.” Genuine surprise was in Akaashi’s voice, but he was… relieved.

“Yer almost there, Akaashi. I’m proud of ya fer gettin’ this far and still being strong despite it all. Might not mean much from me since we see each other like, four times a year.” He chuckled. 

“Actually, it means a lot. Thank you, Osamu-san.” 

“Anytime. Wanna head inside?” 

“Sure.”

Osamu got up and dusted himself off with Akaashi following suit. 

Ever since that day, Akaashi found himself talking to Osamu a little bit more and found a friend in him. 

* * *

When Onigiri Miya set up shop in Tokyo, Akaashi was more than pleased to find out that it was just a two minute walk from his workplace. He frequented it during his lunch breaks and after work snacks. Because of that, he and Osamu grew closer and started talking to each other more often than not. 

Kenma was first to notice when Akaashi came home late one night with the biggest smile on his face, holding a bag of assorted onigiris and sitting on their dinner table.

“You look like you won the lottery.” Kenma stated, joining him. 

“I may as well have. I got to ‘Samu’s shop just as they closed and he gave me the leftovers from today.” The fire that used to be in Akaashi’s eyes seemed to spark again and Kenma couldn’t stop the small smile that formed on his face.

“I’m glad you won something.” He said begrudgingly.

“Rough stream?” Akaashi inquired, handing Kenma onigiri.

“Fucking CAMPERS RUINED EVERYTHING! That really shouldn’t be allowed in tournaments.” 

“Of course.”  
  
“But anyway, it’s whatever I guess. I still got a bunch of donations so it’s fine.”

“Well that’s good.” 

“Hmm. We haven’t caught up in a while despite living in the same house. How are you?” 

“I’m good, actually.” 

“Like, how _are_ you?”

“Oh. I’m good. I really am. I’ll have my moments, but I’m okay. How about you?” 

“On the same boat, if not better since I wasn’t the one practically married to him, you know?” 

Akaashi laughed softly, “Yeah, yeah. But that’s good.” 

“Hello, pretty setters.” A third voice said. 

“Hello, Kuroo-san.” Akaashi greeted.

“Sup.” Kuroo walked behind Kenma, kissing him on the cheek. “Kitten.”

“Kuro.” 

“‘Kaashi, you’ve been living with me for a year and a half and you still use honorifics on me.” 

Akaashi shrugged, “Habit.” 

“That’s a lot of food you got there.”

“Keiji caught Onigiri Miya during close and got all their leftovers.” 

“Ohoho, really now?” 

“Here, have some!” Akaashi offered. 

“Gladly. Anyway, what were you two talking about?”

“Checking on each other.” Kenma shrugged. 

“Yup. How are _you_ , Kuroo?” 

“Ah, _that_ check-up. I’m good. Being busy with work and all helped with things. And you two?” 

“Good.”

“Better.” 

Akaashi and Kenma answered at the same time. The three of them shared an understanding smile. The night continued with them eating dinner and catching up on their day before Akaashi retired for bed before them. Kenma and Kuroo watched his retreating form and turned to each other. 

Kenma had a look that told Kuroo he needed to say something. 

“Spill.” Kuroo said, kissing Kenma on the forehead. 

“I think he’s starting to move on.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Mhm. The spark in his eyes are back and he’s been smiling more often. Ever since the memorial, it was like something… I don’t know, changed.” 

“I noticed that too. He didn’t cry that night.” 

“And he hasn’t cried as much as usual since.” 

“Does he still go out on the balcony?”  
  


“Yeah, but I think that’s something that won’t change.” 

Kuroo sighed in relief, “Our Keiji is getting better.” 

“You’re saying that like he’s our son.” 

“I mean, it’s like we adopted him.” Kuroo grinned. 

“You’re weird. I’m going to bed.” 

“Hey- wait!”

Kuroo followed after Kenma before stopping in front of Akaashi’s bedroom door, noticing that it was slightly open. He cracked it open just a bit to check on him. Usually, he would find Akaashi still outside, looking up, but tonight, he was sound asleep with a slight smile on his face, with his phone loosely clutched in his hand. 

The next following weeks were the same and Akaashi would visit Onigiri Miya even on days where he doesn’t have work. Sometimes, he wouldn’t even order and would just sit at the bar and strike up a conversation with Osamu. 

A tradition started between them whenever Akaashi came during close. They would take turns driving each other home and blast their music as they went. Sometimes, when Osamu would close early, they would stop by a park and eat the leftovers from the restaurant that day and catch up on their day's events. 

Today was one of those days. They sat atop a hill overlooking a grassy field. The night breeze was like the one from the night of the memorial, making the moment feel almost nostalgic. The two of them quietly ate their food, not wanting to disturb the peace just yet. 

"Akaashi, I never really got the chance to say thanks." Osamu said. 

Akaashi tilted his head towards the other, making his heart beat just a little faster. 

"For what?" Akaashi asked. 

"Moving to different cities is always hard. Especially when you've spent most yer life living in one place, y'know? But because of you, it made things a little easier. So thank you, for being my friend, 'Kaashi." 

"Oh, no need to thank me for that. Everyone needs someone, don't they?" Akaashi smiled. One that was genuine after almost two years of faking it. A smile that told Osamu that Akaashi really was starting to be okay and he couldn't be any happier for his friend. 

"Guess yer right. Even so, you've been great the past few weeks. Listenin' to me ramblin' and all that. Even through the small breakdowns I'd have when I think I can't handle things."

"Well, I've had my fair share of that with you too. So thank you for being there too." 

Osamu chuckled and looked down thinking of all the moments they shared together. From Akaashi's constant visits to their talks like today. He noticed Akaashi's hand beside him and a thought crossed his mind. 

He took it in his and intertwined their fingers together. 

Akaashi looked down and then up at Osamu who was already looking at him. The latter's heart was beating rapidly, afraid Akaashi was going to pull away. But that worry soon went away as he felt Akaashi's hand tighten on his and the smile on him grew bigger. 

* * *

"Is that the last of it?" 

"Yeah. Thank you, Tetsu, Kenma, for everything."

"You're talking like you're never going to see us again." Kenma stated monotonously. 

"Yeah, you live like… a ten minute drive away." 

"Yeah, yeah. But still. Living with you two was the best." 

"Only took you three and a half years to call me by a nickname." Kuroo grinned. 

"Oh, hush. You _only_ bugged me about it half my life." 

The three of them stood in the bare room that used to be Akaashi's. Something about it made him feel… free. Like a chapter in his life has finally closed. He padded over to the balcony where he would spend his nights talking to the stars and smiled a bittersweet smile. He looked up at the blue sky and watched a star-shaped cloud float by. Akaashi looked down at the tattoo on his wrist and kissed it, as if he was saying goodbye. 

Kuroo and Kenma soon joined him with Kuroo bringing the two of them into a group hug. Kenma grumbled, though wrapped his arms around them anyway, burying his face into Akaashi's shoulder. He giggled and leaned his head on the two of them.

“I know I don’t say it often, but I love you both very much.” Akaashi said, his voice cracking from a threatening sob. 

“Don’t cry, Keij. We love you too and again, a ten minute drive away.” Kuroo whispered. 

“You’re still obligated to come for Sunday dinners.” Kenma mumbled. Akaashi laughed and whispered an “of course” and held them both close until a soft knock on the door made the three part. 

“Hope m’not interrupting anything, but the truck’s ready.” Osamu announced. 

Akaashi shook his head and walked over to his fiance, taking his hand. Osamu kissed the top of his head and asked, “Ya ready, Keiji?” 

The other nodded. 

Soon, the four walked out of the house and said their goodbyes and packed the last of Akaashi’s belongings. He was on his way to his new home with his soon-to-be husband; on his way to a new point in his life where he can put the bittersweet past behind him and finally move on from the pain that shackled him down the past three and a half years. He was free and all that were left are fond memories of someone he knew would always have a special place in his heart. 

Osamu knew that too. He knew that he wouldn’t compare the love Bokuto and Akaashi had and he knew that Bokuto will always have a place in Akaashi’s heart. However, that doesn’t mean Akaashi doesn’t love him. Instead, he loves him differently. A way that’s unique and reserved for him and Osamu knew that with all of his heart. It was something special that was for Osamu and Akaashi. Their _own_ love that couldn’t compare to anything else. They didn’t fall fast or had a moment where they thought of each other as soulmates. They fell slowly, basking in comfort and friendship first and foremost, building a foundation where they would continue to add on to. It later evolved into something better. Something deeper. 

They love each other in a way they can’t love anyone else and it was beautiful. 

Akaashi and Osamu were on their way to start a new life _together_ after building each other up individually. They were thrilled and happy and everything in between. 

They had a special love that is unbreakable. 

* * *

**_-Bokuto Koutarou-_ **

* * *

The faint beeps of the heart monitor bounced off the white walls of a hospital room, making it the first sound Bokuto Koutarou heard as he fluttered his eyes open. His eyes were squinted, adjusting to the harsh brightness of the environment. He blinked a couple times until he could fully open them and looked around. The first thing he saw were the multiple tubes that were attached to him, the second was the source of the beeping noises. He tried to sit up, but found it difficult to do so. He tried moving his fingers, wiggling them just a bit and soon, moved his whole hand. 

As he did so, a doctor walked into the room. 

“Ah, you’re awake. Finally.” He said with a monotone voice. He walked over and checked Bokuto’s vitals and checked things off his chart. He then handed him a cup of water which Bokuto gulped down quickly. 

“How do you feel?” The doctor asked. 

“Sore. I think everything hurts right now.” Bokuto said, voice hoarse and weak. 

“That will go away soon as soon as we get you into physical therapy and all that. Do you remember anything at all before you got here?”

“Uh. I remember being on a plane…” And it was as if everything came flooding into Bokuto’s mind. The last phone call he had with Akaashi. The airport. The plane. The harsh turbulence. The screams. The fire. The panic. The crash. And then, Akaashi’s face, his eyes, his smile, his laugh. Everything. He didn’t realize the tears that started to fall on his face. 

“W-where… has Akaashi been here?” 

“I’m sorry?”

“Akaashi Keiji. He’s… He’s my…” 

“Sir… Do you mind telling me what your name is first? You’ve been John Doe for three and a half years.” 

“W-wait… Three…?”

“Yes. You’ve been in a coma for that long. Your injuries are fully healed though.” 

Three and a half years. _It can’t be. Can it?_ He thought. Bokuto stared at his hands like it was going to give him answers and clarity, but it didn’t. 

“I’ll give you a moment. In the meantime, I’m going to grab some medication for you and everything else to make it easier for you to move, okay?” 

Bokuto only nodded weakly. 

Three and a half years. He’s been out for three and a half years and no one knew who he was and none of his friends and family knew that he was still here. His thoughts ran a mile a minute wondering if Akaashi was okay, or if his family were okay. He thought about his volleyball team and the time he’s missed. Three years of his life completely thrown away. He didn’t even realize that the doctor came back with nurses accompanying him. 

They removed any unnecessary tubes and wires, replacing his IV and everything else that needed to be done. Once that was over, the nurses left and it was just him and his doctor again. 

“Are you ready?” 

Bokuto nodded. 

A series of questions were asked, from his name, to his age and the last things he’s remembered. Everything went by in a blur to Bokuto. All he knew was that his family was being contacted. He heard the doctor explaining why they weren’t legally able to pull up his information and all the technicalities that came with everything in between. A whole process that fell on deaf ears as all Bokuto could think about was Akaashi. Where he was, what he was doing, or if he was still waiting for him to come back.

He later found out that he was in a hospital just a couple hours away from Tokyo, in a small quiet town where not much went on. 

He spent another month there, undergoing physical therapy and whatnot, until his family was allowed to come. Hysterical cries and thankfulness that Bokuto was alive and in their arms was what ensued when they finally walked into his hospital room. They caught him up with everything he’s missed, but when he asked about Akaashi, his family steered the conversation away from it, not knowing what to say to him. 

It worried him and thought of the worst case scenarios that could have happened to Akaashi.

Eventually, he asked for his mother's phone and dialed a number he still knew by heart. However, it wasn't in service anymore and dialed the next one on his mental list. It rang three times until someone finally answered. 

"Yellooo?" 

"Kuroo?" 

"..." Bokuto heard a breath hitch.

"Hello? Kuroo? It's Bokuto…" 

"...Look, prank calls are old school and this is sick." 

"No, bro. It really is me… Remember back in high school when you thought Kenma didn't see you practicing the way you were going to finally ask him out? He saw it but I promised not to say anything." 

"...Bo?" 

"Uhm. Surprise?" 

"Bro what the fuck? You're… You were dead for three and a half fucking years. Almost four!" 

"Yeah… I… I heard." 

"So many things have happened, Bo… We were… God we were so fucking lost for so long. Kenma… Me. Keiji especially.” 

“Keiji… Is he…. Is he okay?” 

“He’s good. He wasn’t for a long time, but he’s good. Look, Bo, I’m actually getting ready for a… wedding right now, but if you need me to come get you wherever you are, I can.”

“Oh, it’s fine. My family is taking me home in a week. Whose wedding are you going to?" 

The other line went silent and Bokuto had to check if he had accidentally hung up or not. 

"Kuroo?" 

"I… I don't know how to tell you this, Bo." 

Bokuto's heart dropped, already having a hint as to who was going to get married. He only hoped he would hear a different name from Kuroo. However, 

"It's Keiji. He's getting married today." 

"...What? To… To who?" 

"Miya Osamu."

"Kuroo, please tell me you're kidding." 

Kuroo sighed, "I want to. But, it's the truth and he’s happy." 

"Please take me there right now. I'm only a couple hours away and–" 

"Bokuto." 

"Kuroo, _please_. I need… I need to get him back. I need to see him again. I need to–"

"Bokuto. I can't do that. It's not fair, you know? I can't do that to Keiji or anyone present for that matter. He mourned over you for so long. He was so broken and I witnessed it all. Kenma and I were with him through everything because we were in the same boat. The three of us kept that promise we made back in high school. Do you remember that?" 

"...Yeah. I do."

"It wouldn't be fair to anyone if I just walked in with you to a wedding where everyone thought you died. Try being Keiji in that situation. Like, right now, I don't even know how I'm keeping calm, because Jesus fuck, Bo. Almost four years of you gone and suddenly you're back from the dead. I'm _so_ fucking happy that you're alive and I'm in a tornado of emotions right now. But I can't take you to the wedding. I can't do that to someone who I watched break right in front of me. Keiji's finally in a better state and he's happy."

"Kuroo, he can be happy with _me._ I– we love each other. We were going to grow old together." 

"Things changed when we thought you died. Keiji's changed. He still loves you and he always will, that much I know. But… Look, Bokuto, I'm sorry. I'll come visit you within the week, I promise. But I _really_ cannot take you to the wedding. Please try and understand that. It might be hard now, but I can explain everything when I get there. You’re my best friend and I would kill and die for you, but your request is something I can’t do. Not to someone I shared a home with; not to someone who helped me build myself back up from your absence and me doing the same for him. I _can’t_.”

"Kuroo… _please_." Bokuto's voice was small and broken. He wanted to understand, but all he could think of was Akaashi and how to get him back.

"I'm sorry. I'll visit you as soon as I can, but I have to go now…"

" _Tetsurou_ …" 

"I'm sorry." 

The line went dead after he heard Kuroo choke out a sob and Bokuto felt the tears fall onto his clothes. He didn’t want to believe that the love of his life was about to be promised to someone else that’s not him. He couldn’t. He didn’t want to. 

But he couldn’t help but think that it was already too late for him to do anything about it. 

* * *

Kuroo stepped out of his car and stood in the parking lot of an unfamiliar hospital. His breathing was uneven until a small hand held his large one. 

“You ready?” Kenma asked.

“Even if I wasn’t, we’d still have to go in there.” 

“Let’s not keep him waiting then.” 

It’s been three days since Bokuto called Kuroo. Three days since Akaashi married Osamu. Three days of Bokuto pacing in his hospital room with tears constantly staining his cheeks. 

A knock on his door interrupted his broken thoughts and he stared at his door for a second longer than he intended. 

“Come in.” He finally said. 

The door softly swung open and revealed Kuroo and Kenma. Bokuto couldn’t help his emotions and weeped upon seeing them. Kuroo rushed over to Bokuto’s side and took him into a hug, his own tears staining Bokuto’s shirt. The two cried in each other’s arms while Kenma stood a few metres away, wiping the constant flow of his own quiet cries.

Bokuto looked up from his hug with Kuroo and opened his arms to invite the other in. Hesitantly, Kenma walked over and situated himself in between the two men. They stayed that way for a while before finally calming down and sat on the edge of Bokuto’s hospital bed. 

“You’re really here.” Kuroo breathed out, scanning the familiar face of his best friend. For the most part, he looked the same, except he was a bit thinner and had less muscle since he was bed-ridden for almost four years. His eyes stayed the same though. The same bright golden hues that brought happiness to those around him. His hair was down, but he was still the same Bokuto who would yell “hey, hey, hey” whenever he got the chance to. 

“Yeah, I’m here.” Bokuto chuckled. 

“I fucking missed you. You have no goddamn idea how much I missed my best friend.”

“I missed you too, man. And you, Kenma.” 

“I missed you too.” The shorter one grumbled, head leaning on Kuroo with their hands intertwined. Bokuto noticed the matching rings they had on their fingers and his eyes widened.

“You two got married?” He asked excitedly. 

Kuroo looked down at his and Kenma’s hands and smiled fondly at them. “Yeah. Last year. We had a small ceremony with close friends and family.”

“Congrats, you two!” Bokuto beamed. 

“Thanks, Bo.” 

Suddenly, the air got thick with tension and the burning question in Bokuto’s mind could be seen from just the look in his eyes. 

Kuroo sighed and braced himself. 

“How’s… how is he?” Bokuto’s voice was barely above a whisper, but the two still heard it past their loudly beating hearts. 

Kuroo explained _everything_. He and Kenma took Bokuto from the beginning: from the airport where they waited for his supposed arrival to three days ago when Akaashi –now a Miya– exchanged vows with Osamu. They told him about all the nights Keiji spent on his balcony, the tattoo he got in honour of him, the countless panic attacks and breakdowns he’d have throughout the day. Bokuto listened intently to every word Kuroo and Kenma said, hanging on to every end of their sentence. 

Bokuto couldn’t even get himself to be angry at Keiji. How could he? It’s not like he knew he was alive, nor was he obligated to wait for him for as long as he did. He couldn’t get angry with him when he suffered so much pain from the loss he thought he had. He couldn’t blame him. Bokuto thanked Kuroo and Kenma profusely and apologized for everything they had to go through because of his absence. But of course, that was also out of his control and there was nothing to apologize for in the first place. 

The three of them ended up talking for hours, catching Bokuto up on everything that happened and what they were doing now. 

“Did you… Tell anyone about me?” Bokuto eventually asked. 

“Uhm. No. Not yet at least. Especially with everything from three days ago. I think you should handle bringing that news to everyone else. Start little by little, you know? Just don’t startle the public, I think. Especially with Keij.” Kuroo explained. Kenma nodded along, agreeing with his words. 

“Start with your close friends and probably your old teammates and then go from there.” 

And that’s exactly what Bokuto ended up doing. After he got discharged from the hospital, his family and two best friends brought him home and had a small celebration. They also agreed not to tell Keiji yet for the sake of his heart. From there, news of his return weaved its way through their close circle of friends and family, all of whom were happy and ecstatic from the news. Then, after about a month and a half of Bokuto adjusting, Kuroo arranged for the Black Jackals to have a special meeting in which Bokuto showed up. 

All of them were happy for his comeback, but saddened that he won’t be back to play. Hinata and Atsumu cried the most and wouldn’t let go of him from the hugs they brought Bokuto in. Sakusa briefly hugged him as well since his boyfriend dragged him in. Though the smile he had was enough to let Bokuto know that he missed him too. 

It was a nice reunion and Bokuto’s heart almost felt full. 

Almost. 

Because the only one he thinks could complete it belongs to someone else now. 

* * *

**_-Miya Osamu-_ **

* * *

“‘SAMU!!!”

Osamu rolled his eyes at the sound of his brother’s voice, “What’re ya so loud for? It’s almost midnight.”

“BOKKUN’S ALIVE!” 

“Come again?”

“Bokkun’s alive! Remember how we had that special meeting today? It was because he’s back! Well, not back to play, but back from the dead if we’re bein’ realistic here.” 

“Are ya joking?” 

“Why would I joke about something like that? You can even ask Shouyou-kun or Omi.” 

“Oh.”

“Yeah, he explained everythin’ that happened and…”

The rest of Atsumu’s words seemed to go in one ear and out the other. A sense of fear struck Osamu like lightning from hearing the rather sudden news of Bokuto’s come back. All he thought of was Keiji. _His_ Keiji. The Keiji he married about two months ago. The same Keiji who loved Bokuto.

“...’Samu?” 

“Yeah, sorry… What were ya saying?”

“I asked if you were going to tell Myaa-Kaashi about it or if you were going to wait until someone else did…” 

“That’s a loaded question right now after all the crash course ya just gave me.” Osamu chuckled emptily. 

“Ah, m’sorry. I didn’t mean to. I just got excited that Bokkun’s alive but then I realized…” 

“No, no. I know. I’m happy he’s alive, don’t get me wrong. But, the fear I’m feeling right now is a little overwhelming if I’m bein’ honest.” 

“Understandable. Well, whenever ya recollect yerself, I do suggest you be the one to tell him, y’know? I think it’d be easier on his heart and you.” 

“Yeah… I guess. It’s just a lot to process right now.” 

“D’you want me to come over? Myaa-Kaashi’s workin’ late this week because of deadlines right? I can bring Omi or just myself.” 

“I think I need to be alone tonight. Thanks though.” 

“If ya say so. I’ll be a phone call away if ya need anything, yeah?” 

“Thanks, ‘Tsumu.” 

“Anytime! Anyways, I have t’drive home. I’ll talk to ya later.”

“Alright, don’t do anything stupid.” 

“In yer dreams.” 

Atsumu hung up and Osamu slowly brought his phone down from his face. He stared at the screen looking at his reflection and thought about a million things at once. Does he tell Keiji? Or will he have to ask Kuroo to do it for him? Does he wait it out? Should he wait till Bokuto himself shows up? What if Keiji leaves him since his soulmate has come back for him? Will he be able to handle that? 

Osamu knows that Keiji loves him with everything he’s got. He knows that he wouldn’t do anything to hurt him deliberately. They’ve had their rough patches even before they were a couple and got through them all _together_. But what if he was alone in this? What then? Would Keiji leave him? Would he stay? It was hard to say. He wasn’t sure. 

  
He plopped himself down onto their shared bed and stared at the ceiling. He didn’t know how long he stayed that way until he heard their front door open. _Was I really thinking for that long?_ He wondered. 

“Baby, I’m home!” Keiji called out. 

“Bedroom!” Osamu yelled back. 

He heard distant shuffling and keys being set onto the counter. Soon, he heard Keiji’s footsteps approach their bedroom and felt the bed dip to the weight of him. Osamu turned to face him and smiled. For a moment, all his worries were washed away as soon as his eyes met Keiji’s. Even more so when he saw the loving smile he gave him. 

Osamu pulled him closer into a hug and buried his face into the crook of Keiji’s neck, taking in his scent that smelled like home. 

“How was work?” Osamu mumbled, his breath tickling the other, making him giggle. 

“Tiring as usual, but I think we can finish everything before the deadline at the pace we’re going. How about you?”

“The usual…” Osamu trailed off, his thoughts drifting back to his earlier conversation with his twin. 

“Oh? You sound like you want to say more things.” Keiji observed, kissing Osamu’s forehead. Keiji knew him too well for his own good and Osamu smiled at the thought. So he made his decision because he trusted the love Keiji had for him and mentally kicked his own ass for even doubting it.

“I do, actually.” 

“What is it?” Osamu raised his head to look at Keiji and kissed the tip of his nose before speaking. The gesture made the latter’s heart flutter as if they were still in their early stages of dating. 

“‘Tsumu called.” 

“Ah. What’d he do this time?” 

Osamu chuckled, “Nothin’ like that. Uhm. It’s pretty big news.” 

Keiji gasped, “Is he finally going to propose to Kiyoomi?” 

“No… I’m just trying to find the proper words to say to you.” 

The seriousness in Osamu’s voice made Keiji worry a bit and brought his hand up to cup Osamu’s cheek. He leaned into the touch and took a deep breath and sighed. 

“The Black Jackals had a meeting today and it was, to say the least, eventful.”

Keiji looked into Osamu’s stormy eyes, silently telling him to go on.

“Bokuto is alive.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He remembered what it was like to love Bokuto and to be loved by Bokuto. 
> 
> However, each of those memories remained as such, being overlaid with fondness, locked up in a chest of the past leaving only a key for the future.

* * *

**_-Miya Osamu, Miya Keiji-_ **

* * *

  
  


“Bokuto is alive.”

Keiji's eyes widened and Osamu saw the hundred different emotions his husband was going through in a fraction of a second.

Keiji wanted to ask if he was joking or playing some sort of sick prank, but the seriousness in Osamu’s eyes said otherwise. Add to the fact that it would be something he wouldn’t dare joke about. He wanted to scream, he wanted to stay quiet, he wanted to cry, to laugh, to be swallowed up by the void. 

Three simple words that brought out so many things, so many old feelings. Flashes of memories from the past played in his mind like an old film. The bright smile, golden, loving eyes, boisterous laughter, celebratory hugs and kisses, the fields where they stargazed, their video calls, and the whispers of “I love yous.” But then–

Keiji didn't realize how lost his mind was or that he was crying. But Osamu could see it. He brought his hand up to his husband’s face and caught the tears that fell. He knew not to say a word until Keiji was ready to. And so he switched their positions and pulled him closer, with Keiji’s head against his chest, holding him as his sobs became muffled in Osamu’s shirt. He tried to calm his heart and breathing for the sake of his husband in hopes it would help calm him too.

Eventually, he felt Keiji start to match his breathing with his own as he started to run his fingers through his hair, soothing him. Osamu started to hum a simple lullaby making Keiji lean into him more, holding him closer and tighter. He even went as far as burying his head into Osamu’s chest even further in while he continued his lullaby. And that’s when his thoughts continued. 

It was like the film that reeled in his mind had a sudden change of scenery; a transition. The whispers of “I love yous” became more than whispers with a different voice. The same voice that was singing to him at that very moment. The flashes became more vivid memories of a certain night where they sat on the staircase, the ringing of the bells to a shop he frequented, the stolen glances through the glass windows just before he went in, the nights at the top of a hill, the first time they held hands, the first time stormy, grey eyes showed “I love you” instead of saying it. 

Osamu felt Keiji calm down in his arms, his breathing more steady and his sobs diminishing to sniffles. 

“Keiji, baby, you awake?” Osamu whispered delicately. 

He felt him nod. 

“Wanna tell me what yer feeling?”

Another nod. 

Osamu waited patiently and continued to play with the soft curls on Keiji’s head until he felt him start to look up.

“‘Samu… I don’t know what I’m feeling.”

“That’s okay.” 

“I don’t know how long we were in this position, but I feel like I went through a decade’s worth of my life.” 

“That’s understandable. It’s hard news to bear.”

“Can I call Tetsu and Kenma? I need to talk to them. They… they’ve been with me through it all and I need… you know.” 

“Of course.”

“Can you stay here while I do?”

“Ya don’t have to ask, love. I’ll hold ya until ya don’t want me to.” As Osamu said those words, he couldn’t help but feel the fear creep back in. He felt Keiji reach for his phone and fiddled with it until he heard the faint ringing. He leaned his head on Keiji’s and closed his eyes as he listened to the conversation.

“Tetsu…”

“I take that you know?” 

“Yeah…”  
  
“Are you mad?”

“At what?”  
  


“Us not telling you.” 

“No, of course not. I… I get it. But uhm, how long have you known?” 

“Since the day of your wedding.”  
  
Keiji’s breath hitched and so did Osamu’s. 

The rest of the phone call fell on deaf ears for Osamu, having heard the same explanation from Atsumu earlier that night. The only thing that ran through his head was the possibility of Keiji finding out about Bokuto on their wedding day. What if the news got to him then? Would Keiji still have married him? Or would he be left alone at the makeshift altar on Kita-san’s farm? Would he still have been able to say “I do” to the only man he could ever say it to? His heart squeezed at the thought. The slight chance where he would’ve had to let his Keiji go. He didn’t like it, not one bit and it almost made Osamu scream for whatever reason. The fear was growing into something bigger and untameable, like a monster eating away at whatever reassurance he and Keiji had built over the years, and it was scary. 

But then he looked down at the man in his arms. The man he promised his life to. The man who was looking back at him now with glassy, blue eyes that said “I’m here now.” Osamu didn’t realize that Keiji’s phone call already ended from all the intruding thoughts he was thinking. 

“Are you okay?” Osamu asked, his voice smaller than he wanted it to be. 

“As okay as I can be, I think.” 

“I’m here.” 

“I know. You always are, always have been. But so am I, ‘Samu.” 

The look Keiji gave Osamu told him that he had a clue as to what was on his mind. He closed his eyes and sighed, leaning his forehead against his husband’s.

“I’ll… I’ll be okay. I don’t want to put too much on ya in one night. It wouldn’t be fair.” 

Keiji brought his hands up to Osamu’s face, “Osamu, I’m your husband. What’s not fair is me not giving you a chance to talk about how you’re feeling too. I know… I know that it’s hard on you too.” 

“I don’t want to lose ya, Keiji.” His voice was a whisper so quiet, that Keiji was surprised he even heard it. It made Keiji’s heart clench. 

“I promised myself to you and I intend to keep that promise.” The sincerity in Keiji’s voice rang in Osamu’s ears as if it would be the last thing he would ever hear. And he wouldn’t have minded if it was. 

“I’m just… M’scared and I know ya love me. I know that very well. But the fear’s there as much as I don’t want it to be.” 

“I know. I understand. I would feel the same way if our roles were switched and would probably handle it a lot worse than you are right now.” 

They both let out light-hearted laughs from Keiji’s comment and let the silence overtake them for a while before Osamu asked,

“D’you want to see him?” 

“I do. I need the closure.” 

“Okay.” 

“You can come if it would like.”

“I want to, but I’ll leave ya to it. Ya need to sort this out yerself and talk things out with him because it’s fer _you_ and yer closure. And I trust ya with whatever you’ll do.” 

“I love you.”

“I love you so much more.” 

“It’s me and you now.”

“And it’s me and you tomorrow.” 

“Until the end?”

“And even beyond that.” 

* * *

**_-Bokuto Koutarou-_ **

* * *

  
  


Bokuto sat in his old childhood room, just about to sleep when his phone rang.

“Bo?”

“Kuroo? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Listen, um, I got a call earlier.”

“Uhuh?”

“It was Keiji.”

Bokuto’s breath hitched and his heartbeat sped up. The prolonged silence on his end made Kuroo continue. 

“I gave him your number just in case he wanted to contact you. And before you ask, Atsumu told Osamu and so…” 

“Oh.”

“He will want to talk to you at some point.”

“Kuroo, I still want him back…”

A silence fell over the phone and then Bokuto heard a heavy-hearted sigh. 

“Bo, I wouldn’t really get my hopes up. As your best friend, I need to be honest with you. And as Keiji’s best friend, I need to make sure he keeps the happiness he found after going through what he did.” 

“What about mine, Kuroo?”

“...You’re going to have to do what Keiji did. I’m sorry, Bo. Things are different and he’s different. I’m sure you are too. I know you’ll find your happiness because I thought Keiji would never find his. But he did and I just know you will too. It may not seem like it now, but you will. Life is weird… evidently with your sudden rise from the underworld.” Kuroo chuckled, trying to lighten up the mood. 

“I can’t imagine myself with anyone else.”

“Remember that Keiji thought the same thing. Trust me, Bo. You guys may have been ‘soulmates,’ but this isn’t like the movies. This is reality and sometimes it’s just as cruel as it is beautiful. Everyone has a fair share of both sides.” 

“I… I don’t know.”

“It’ll take time.” 

“I’m going to bed.” 

“Goodnight, Bo.”

“Yeah…”

Bokuto ended the call and plopped down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He thought about the things that could happen when the time comes he meets Keiji again. What if his old feelings come back and he’d run back to Bokuto? What if he’d want to run away with him and start anew? The ideas he had were a stretch, but he wanted to hope regardless of how slim his chances seemed. He couldn’t just give up on someone he loved his whole life.

He tossed and turned in bed all night, anticipating a text or even a phone call from his former lover. And just when he was about to fall asleep, a ding from his phone alerted his entire being. He grabbed it hastily from his night stand, turning it on and opening the message, not even checking who the message was from.

**Unknown Number:** _Good evening, Bokuto-san. It’s Akaashi Keiji. Although, as you may have heard, I’m not an Akaashi anymore, but rather a Miya. It seems that there are some open ends that we need to close. Some sort of closure that we both need as to how we will proceed with our- for lack of better words, relationship. So for now, I would like to invite you out for lunch or maybe dinner, whichever time is more preferable to you, on Saturday._

Bokuto read over the text as many times as he could as if trying to analyze each and every word that composed it. His heart lurched, his breathing uneven. He took note of the formality, the use of honorifics and his surname devoid of any of the affection Keiji would’ve given him before. He didn’t know how much time passed before he thought of a reply to the message. It took every ounce of his being not to pour out his feelings into the small text box, filling it with his heart’s contents and his soul’s sense of longing. 

After taking a deep breath, he replied.

**Me:** _Good evening, Miya-san. It seems that we both have a lot to talk about so I do accept your invitation. I think dinner would be more preferable as I feel it would be more private and less crowded in restaurants. Thank you for reaching out._

It hurt him to type that, but he had to. He wanted to say “hey, Keiji, I love you, please come see me and take me back. Let me be your star again so I can shine my light on my world."

But like Kuroo said, things are different now and it was evident just by the single message Keiji sent him. 

With exhaustion taking over, Bokuto fell asleep before hearing his phone ding once more, indicating that Keiji replied. 

* * *

The morning that followed was not particularly easy for Bokuto. He woke up to a text from Keiji naming the place and formally thanking Bokuto for the reply. He stared at it for a moment, thinking about how different Keiji seemed. How the teasing tone he’d usually receive was gone, the hearts at the end, how formal he was as if they were strangers. 

But at this point, they may as well be, especially since Bokuto has to constantly remind himself that things are different and a lot of time has passed from when he last knew Keiji. He didn’t really want to get out of bed that morning and preferred to marinate in his yearning under the comforts of his blanket, but that’s not who Bokuto Koutarou is. 

He went on with his day as per routine. An hour job, working out to get the muscles he lost back, brunch, a shower, an appointment with the doctors and then some free time. He usually walks around the neighbourhood and frequents a park that has a big fountain in the middle nearby. He would sit on a bench in front of it and listen to the flowing water and the people around him. He liked the peace it brought and helped him take his mind off things. Most of the time, he was alone, but today, someone joined him at the otherside of the bench he sat at. 

“Come here often?” The person said, Bokuto looked to his side and saw a familiar face; fox-like eyes and odd hair that suited them. He wore a team jacket that read “EJP Raijin” on the sleeves and Bokuto deduced that he must’ve played a match with their team before.

“Does that pick-up line work for you at all?” Bokuto teased. 

“Not even once.” The other chuckled, Bokuto soon joining in. 

“I see. Um, I may seem like an asshole but, am I supposed to know you?” 

“Maybe. But, yer not an asshole for not knowing who I am, y’know?” 

“Still, I feel bad.” 

“Well, MSBY and EJP had practice matches together in the past. I’m the one that usually spiked the ball at ‘Tsumu’s head.” 

“Suna Rintarou! You’re friends with Tsum-Tsum and the guy that has the really flexible body which I’m still _so_ jealous of!” 

“Bingo. And yer that guy that rose from the dead.” 

“Ah, yeah.” 

“I heard about most of it from ‘Tsumu since he can’t really keep his mouth shut. I also heard about yer former lover who is now…”

“...yeah.” 

“Sorry.” 

“It’s… It’s fine.”

Suna cleared his throat awkwardly as silence enveloped them. They listened to the fountain that seemed louder than it was just a second ago. Bokuto shifted in his seat and stared straight ahead until Suna cleared his throat again and started speaking. 

“I love him.” He said. 

“Huh?” Bokuto questioned. 

“I love him. Osamu. Well, _loved._ I used to be head over heels for him back in high school, but he never… really saw me like that, y’know? But despite that, I kept loving him. There was just something that was so alluring, so lovable, about him. I loved him for so long that it was as easy as breathing. I loved him up until he met Keij. I would’ve kept fighting for his feelings, but seeing the way ‘Samu looked at him… I couldn’t really compete with that even if I did my everything. So I willed myself to stop. It took some time, but the happiness that came from him was something that made me happy too. I also knew that that sort of happiness was something I’m never able to give him and I made peace with that. I don’t know why I’m telling you all that, but maybe when ya see the way Keij looks at ‘Samu, then you’ll know what I’m talkin’ about. 

Anyway, I have to get goin’. Practice and all. I’ll see ya around.” 

Bokuto did nothing but let Suna’s words sink in as he waved a small goodbye towards him. 

_The way Keiji looks at Osamu, huh?_ He thought. He then wondered if Osamu was going to be with them during his dinner with Keiji. He wondered if he really would see a different look in his eyes. 

He knew the way _his_ Keiji would look at him. Bokuto knew that those oceanic eyes looked at him with admiration and overflowing love; as if the stars were in front of him, reflecting off the clear blue waters in the night. 

_Would Keiji still look at me that way?_

With a sigh, he stood up from the bench and walked back home, thinking about what Suna had said. 

* * *

**_-Bokuto Koutarou, Miya Keiji-_ **

* * *

Saturday came faster than Bokuto or Keiji expected. 

Both were scared and nervous in their own homes thinking about what would happen during their dinner. The feeling of unease and nerves persisted until they were in their respective cars, making their way to the restaurant they agreed to meet at. 

Bokuto gripped at his steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. He was afraid of what he might do once he sees Keiji, or maybe he was afraid of what he _won’t_ be able to do. Regardless, he was afraid. 

He got to the restaurant first and waited at their table rather impatiently. His leg bounced up and down and he’s refilled his glass of water about three times already. He tried to distract himself by texting Kuroo and playing mindless mobile games, but none seemed to work. 

Meanwhile, Keiji held on to Osamu’s hand, almost cutting off his husband’s circulation. 

“You’ll be okay, Keiji. I’ll be in the car waiting if you need anything.” Osamu reassured, ignoring the numbness that started to creep into his hand as his eyes stayed on the road.

“I know… I just… I’m scared.” 

“I know. I may not know exactly what kind of scared yer feelin’, but I’m scared too. In my own way.” 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Osamu lifted their tangled hands together and kissed Keiji’s knuckles, one by one. As he finished the gesture, they reached the parking lot of the restaurant and stared at the entrance of it. 

“Go on, baby.” Osamu encouraged, “He might be there already and I know ya hate bein’ late.” 

Keiji nodded and kissed Osamu on the lips before hastily exiting the car. Osamu watched as his husband’s figure disappeared into the restaurant and let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and laid his head against the steering wheel, praying to whatever god that would listen to hear his silent pleas. 

As Keiji walked into the restaurant, fiddling with his fingers, nervous from anticipation. 

Then he saw familiar monochrome spikes poking out of a booth and a wave of nostalgia hit him. His body moved before his mind could catch up and the next thing he knew, he was standing in front of burning, golden eyes. 

“H-hey…” Bokuto’s voice shook. 

The familiarity of his voice resonated within Keiji. It was as if every fibre of his being was trying to welcome back the voice that used to sound like home. He lifted a hand and brought it up to Bokuto’s face cautiously. Their skins burned from the contact despite the feather-light touch. 

“You’re really here.” Keiji breathed out. 

“Yeah, I am.”

Before Bokuto could lean into Keiji’s hand, the latter retracted it and sat in front of him. Keiji stared and noticed how different Bokuto looked. He seemed smaller, almost like how he was when they were in high school. However, his eyes were the same, wildly sparkling at him, mimicking the twinkling stars at night. And his hair. It was the same as ever. 

Bokuto did the same and noticed the little changes in Keiji’s features. He seemed to have a different glow around him. He radiated more than what he remembered and he honestly wasn’t sure what to make of it. His eyes were the same, but the waves of the ocean in them seemed a lot calmer than before. They were like still waters that had settled home. He asked himself if it was because Keiji was looking at him. But he realized that his eyes never looked at him that way before and suddenly, Suna’s words echoed in Bokuto’s head. _“...then you’ll know what I’m talkin’ about.”_

He shook the thought away and quickly regained his composure. He cleared his throat and spoke first.

“Keiji- Aka- sorry, um. Miya-san-”

“Keiji is fine, Bokuto-san.” 

“Um. How… are you…?” 

Keiji chuckled light-heartedly and looked down at his fidgeting hands. “I’m as okay as I can be given the situation. I’m nervous to be honest. You?” He looked up to meet Bokuto’s gaze. 

“Yeah, me too.” 

Before anyone else said a word, the waiter came by and took their orders before promptly leaving the pair to once again bask in the thick tension between them. They stayed in silence until their food got to their table and stared at it before speaking again.

“I waited for you, you know…” Keiji started, rolling his sleeve up, showing Bokuto his tattoo, “For a long time I waited, wondering when you’d come back to me. If you’d knock on the door and shout ‘hey, hey, hey’ as you walk in. I often thought about how I should’ve made you stay that extra week. A lot of things went through my mind within the first few months of you gone.” 

Keiji poked at his food while Bokuto listened intently. 

“That being said, how do you feel right now? About… all this.” 

Keiji looked up at Bokuto, his eyes wide at the question, but soon collected his thoughts. 

“Honestly, I’m at a loss. I’m confused and hurting and everything a person could ever feel. Because I still love you Keiji. Because I woke up thinking that it was still the day before my flight. I woke up thinking we were still us. All I’ve been hoping for since I did was for _you_ to come back to _me_. I feel like an empty shell of who I used to be. I feel like nothing more than a ghost of the past to you. Which, I guess, I am, huh?” 

“I guess so.”

“I just… I want you back so badly. I want to hold you again and I know it’s selfish of me to ask for you back, but we belong together. Remember? We… We promised a life together, to grow old and be neighbours with Kuroo and Kenma. I don’t know what I’d do without you. My goals for the future always included you. The visions of later always had you in it. You and me being the protagonists’ of our own little world. The world I can shine on. We were all those things and the optimistic part of me thinks that we can still be those things.” 

The desperation in Bokuto’s voice tugged at Keiji’s heart. Hearing about all the things they used to be brought a wave of nostalgia to him. He remembered their love, the purity of their bond, the old feelings that lingered deep within his heart. He remembered what it was like to be in Bokuto’s arms, what it was like to wake up next to him, to sleep next to him, to give him kisses and hugs and everything in between. He remembered what it was like to love Bokuto and to be loved by Bokuto. 

However, each of those memories remained as such, being overlaid with fondness, locked up in a chest of the past leaving only a key for the future. 

“Koutarou… I love you, I do. Don’t get me wrong, a part of me always will. Nothing can ever change the fact that you’re my soulmate.” 

“Then, Keiji… please… come back to me.”

“I can’t. Nor do I want to. I’ve done a lot of thinking ever since I heard you were back. I thought about my feelings for you then and now. Thoughts of what we were then and what we aren’t now. Of who I was then and who I am now. The difference in those are so… vast and so far in between.”

“Let me know who you are now. I want to know you. I want to love you.”

Keiji smiled sadly, “I can’t let you do that, Bokuto-san. You _loved_ who I was and you’re in love with what we were then. For the longest time I thought the same things you did. Thinking that my future always included you. But I lived a life where you weren’t there anymore. I lived a life where I had to move on from you. And the ‘me’ now is loved by someone else entirely. Someone who is so patient and so understanding. He may not be my soulmate, but ‘Samu is someone that didn’t need to be one. We built something out of nothing, out of friendship and our own trials and tribulations. I love him. I really, really love him, Koutarou. And I got to marry him and I’m really happy about that after _years_ of not being so. 

What we aren’t now is something you have to accept because I had to do the same thing. It’s not fair to any of us if I just up and go with you now. 

I love you, I do. But it’s the type of love that will remain locked in my heart in fondness. I’m sorry, Bokuto-san. And thank you for all those years that you loved me because those were some of the best years of my life.”

As Bokuto listened to Keiji, Suna’s voice rang in his head once again. 

_“When ya see the way Keij looks at ‘Samu, then you’ll know what I’m talkin’ about.”_

Bokuto didn’t need Osamu to be here to know how Keiji looks at him. And in that moment, he realized what Suna meant. He also understood all the things Kuroo has told him; all the warnings of not getting his hopes up and the reasonings behind it. Everything seemed to make sense and he had to accept the reality he’s living in now. A reality where he has to leave the dream of having a future with Keiji behind. Where he has to move on and live a life without him, just as Keiji did. 

  
He understood. It hurts, but he understood. 

With the look in Bokuto’s eyes, Keiji knew he had understood as well. 

“I’m sorry, Keiji. I’m sorry for putting you through all that pain. I’m sorry I broke our promise. I’m-”

“You don’t have to be sorry, Bokuto-san. There’s nothing to be sorry about. Just make sure you also find happiness because you deserve it just as much as I do.”

“I love you…”

“I know. And this won’t be some kind of movie where I’ll ask you to be friends, because it’ll still take me a bit to let all of this process. But, when we’re _both_ ready, I’d like for us to have that option.” 

Keiji smiled at Bokuto genuinely for the first time that night and it warmed his heart. The smile reassured him that everything will be okay someday, that despite the time it may take, he knows he’ll be okay. Because if Keiji can be, then so can he. 

“Yeah, I’d… I’d like that.” Bokuto smiled back and it was as if the universe aligned in that restaurant, bringing the promise of a good future to the table. 

“So,” Bokuto started, “tell me about Osamu.” He smiled light-heartedly as he saw Keiji’s eyes light up. 

They went on with dinner talking about everything that’s happened the past few years and the past few months they weren’t together. It was nice and familiar, but different at the same time. 

But it was okay. 

Keiji got the closure he needed and Bokuto got the push to move on. 

They parted ways with contentment and no ill-will and looked forward to the day where they’re both ready to become friends again. 

* * *

**_-Miya Osamu, Miya Keiji-_ **

* * *

  
  


Osamu waited in the car until the dinner ended. He wasn’t really sure how long he waited, but he silently thanked Atsumu for being so talkative. He called his brother a few minutes after Keiji got into the restaurant and asked to be distracted, which worked too well because he didn’t realize Keiji got back into the car until Atsumu pointed him out. 

“You waited the whole time?” Keiji asked, surprised.

“Yeah, I just wanted to be here in case something happened, y’know?” 

Keiji’s heart swelled and leaned in to kiss Osamu lovingly on the lips as he smiled against it. The latter melted into the kiss and cupped Keiji’s face gently, pulling him closer, before they both pulled away for air. 

“I take that it went well?” Osamu breathed out. 

“Yeah, yeah it did.”

“Ya got the closure ya needed?”

“Yeah.”

“How are ya feelin’?” 

“I feel… lighter? I mean, it’ll still take me awhile to process that he’s alive, but I feel free I guess.” 

“Good thing?”

  
  
“Very.” 

“I’m glad.” 

“I love you.” 

“And I love you.” Osamu chuckled, placing a quick kiss on Keiji’s cheek. “Shall we head home?” 

“We shall. Can we get mochi on the way though?” 

“Of course.”

With that, the pair drove off and stopped by their favourite dessert shop and got their goodies before heading home. 

Once they did, they crashed on their couch and blindly chose a movie to watch while the cuddled under their fluffy blanket. Osamu held Keiji tighter than usual and couldn’t help the wave of relief that hit him as soon as he saw his husband cozy in his arms. Despite the very effective distraction from his brother, a bit of fear still seeped into his mind, filling his thoughts with the possibility of Keiji leaving him to go back to Bokuto. He even tried to brace himself to accept that their love would only be temporary and that Bokuto remained as Keiji’s greatest love. 

But of course, those petty thoughts were diminished into ashes by just the mere presence of Keiji by his side. The fleeting thought of all the bad were the only ones that were temporary in their lives and Osamu couldn’t be more thankful for it. After everything he and Keiji have been through individually and as a couple makes all the happiness they share more worth it. 

“‘Samu?”

“Hm?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For loving me despite everything. For being there even though we were more strangers than friends then.” 

“You were there for me too, y’know?” 

“But still. Just let me appreciate you, damn.” 

They both chuckled, cuddling closer with each other.

“I love you, Keiji. I’m glad I get to have this life with ya.”

“I love you too, baby. And me too. It makes everything that’s happened worth it.”

Keiji then talked about the dinner and what they talked about while Osamu listened intently, his eyes shining as his husband talked so lovingly about him to Bokuto. He asked about the things Bokuto said and Keiji answered everything with honesty.

“You wanna know something?” Keiji asked.

“Hm?”

“I love you more than I loved Koutarou. I told him that you may not have been my soulmate because you’re someone that didn’t need to be. I love you because you’re you and everyday, I choose to love you because of what we’ve built. The unconditional love we share didn’t need some red string of fate to tell us otherwise, you know? It’s like we broke all the laws of every universe possible just to be together, don’t you think?” 

Keiji looked up at his husband and found the most gentle smile painted on his face as he looked back at him. 

“Yeah. Yer right. We didn’t need to be soulmates to find each other because what we have is far greater than what the universe could give.”

“Exactly.” 

Keiji smiled and leaned up to place a quick kiss on Osamu’s lips until the latter kept him there by holding his face in between his hands. They smiled against it and melted into each other, falling in love with one another more than when they woke up in the morning.

And in the days that came and gone, the two of them kept adding things to the foundation they’ve built together, making them stronger and invincible. They were a force to be reckoned with individually and as a couple. They were successful in their careers, their relationships and most of all, their marriage. 

With everything that’s happened, Keiji was finally ready to face the new reality of Bokuto being alive. He’s come to terms with it and so has Osamu. They’ve learned to deal with it together and support each other in whatever tiny hardship it would cause.

Now all Keiji has to do is wait for Bokuto to do the same.

* * *

_**-End of Keiji's story-** _

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanna know what happens to Bokuto after?  
> You'll know soon enough.  
> Stay tuned~
> 
> Scream at me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/SOUM4KI)
> 
> ((excuse the mistakes hehe))

**Author's Note:**

> Scream at me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/SOUM4KI)
> 
> Special thanks to: Kai, Rora, Pips, J, Ray, and Mia for beta reading and putting up with me screaming about this.


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